my presence is a present. kiss my ass.

Due to my apocalypse-fear, I'm not really seeing a lot of humour in this whole 'Animals Dying Around the World' deal going on right now. UNTILLLLL I found this article. It's a CBC article about 80 dead pigeons being found in Quebec.
I've highlighted in red the good parts. (In case my high-brow humour is too intellectual and you can't understand why it's funny. Duh.)
Ok, so not like 30 Rock funny or anything. But at the least, hilarious word coincidences.

Mami hello, make it wiggle like jello

If I ever end up being crazy enough to squeeze a baby out, growing up to be as fucking cool as this kid is the only way my child won't disappoint me: