4real

all i care about is money, and the city that i'm from.

2011-12-03T20:04:00.000-08:00

fuck ya'll for real though, sleep with a hammer under the pillow

2011-08-03T16:19:00.001-07:00

It's strange when you see a picture of someone whose face you used to know so well and see every day, and now you almost don't recognize it. New parts you never noticed before stand out and it's different then you remember.

In less vague, deep news - my herbal cigarettes came in today. So instead of my lungs withering away, they will be filled up with delicious herbal flavours.

Lil Wayne - Sure Thing (Freestyle)

my baby mamma says i love the streets more then her

2011-06-24T00:42:00.000-07:00

I'm brutal at blog posts lately. I don't think it's hurting anyone too much considering I've only had 69 views this month though. Seems to be a theme number lately (not sexually, yeah right guys.)

I moved my bed around yesterday for probably the 25th time since I've lived here. I don't know how much I believe in feng shui, but I can't seem to feel comfortable and I'm running out of new places/space in my -45 square foot apartment. Bed-hopper for life. (Promiscuity excluded.) In other apartment news (I bet all 69 of you are wildly excited right now), I finally bought a small table so I don't have to sit in my fucking bed to eat anymore. I only have one chair for it (DAN AKROYD'S CHAIR - Canadian name drop.) but that's not a big deal seeing as my having people over rate is at about a 1%. It also is a perfect set up for my summer of 'being creative' which will involve starting to sew again and wood carving. There will be upcoming posts on here of my wood creations/severed fingers.

On a closing note, I don't know if it's the summer solstice or eclipses, or a less-hippyish explanation. But, what the fuck is up with everyone lately. (me included) Oy.

Usually I'm not down with Waka, but this songs pretty good. whateverrrr.

Waka Flocka Flame - Karma (ft. YG Hootie, Popa Smurf & Slim Dunkin)

we'd be cruisin, and you wouldn't be boo-hooing bout your briuses

2011-03-26T01:01:00.000-07:00

My sleeping pattern lately is so fucked up. I either hit the bed at 11 and am out like a light, or am in a half awake anxiety sleep all night long. Tonight I was too tired to stay awake, and as soon as I laid down, got too awake to sleep. The few nights it's rained the past few weeks I've slept well, but I live in LA now. So I think I may be shit outta luck if I'm expecting more upcoming rain sleeps.

Today was sort of an off day. The highlight of my day was creating a special report on the retail software at work. Followed by a series of confused-by-the-way-people-are situations.

I'm understanding computers more then humans now. 2011 mannnnnnn. (Archie 2000 was right?)

I haven't listened to the Vivian Girls in a while, but Fud sent me this song tonight and I really love it.

I'm with your girlfriend eating chips....mmm....uh....mmmm.

2011-02-20T23:26:00.000-08:00

I feel like the easyness/not-writing-ness of tumblr has made me feel like I've hit a blogspot wordblock. (fucking tongue twisterrr). So anyone who reads this, please forgive my lack of great blog writing/one sided conversation.

I went on a hike today for the first time since I moved here and enjoyed it more then I thought. I'm generally a pretty big fan of being in nature, but the idea of 1) dragging my ass out of bed on a Sunday morning and 2) climbing up a hill with a bunch of LA douchebags who are in 100000x better shape then me and all have dogs (makes me jealous and sad), didn't really turn my crank too much. Either way I stopped being a wiener and did it, and actually had a good time.

Not to get all deep-blog here, but even though my adjustment to life here (LA mang) has been slow and isolating at times, I feel like it's forcing me to figure a lot of shit out about myself. This time that lesson being that instead of being a little bitch about how

lazy I am, stop being lazy. (There's also lessons on inadequacy, relationships, etc. But i'll save that juicy shit for another emotion-filled faggy blog.)

All in all, my ass is looking firm and banging is the moral of this story I would say.

Also, I just realized after spell checking this that i've been spelling "wiener" wrong my entire life. I use this word SEVERAL times a day. Thanks for not telling me ever, everyone.

Tyler The Creator and Hodgy Beats - Sandwitches MP3 Download

fuck it, i think think i need her. usually i toot it and boot it, but ima keep her.

2011-02-08T22:51:00.001-08:00

The past few weeks I've been a horrible blogspot-cheater and been rubbing all up in tumblr. It takes me 2 seconds to post shit on there, and saves everyone from long blog write-ups where I usually just talk about what I ate, and what food network show I watched before bed. Since my sister pointed out the other day that I haven't posted on here in a while though I thought I'd go back to my blog-roots. (I sound like an asshole.)

A month or so has passed and not too much has gone down though. I feel like I'm starting to settle here more and more. I've done some neighbourhood walking around, hanging w good (some new) people, been cooking a lot, and have even (hopefully) slowed up my moving-to-somewhere-new-weight-gain by doing pilates in my apartment every night. (Not fun for the neighbours who can easily look in my window and see my doing "mermaid pose" naked.)

I got to go to Utah for a few days in January, which was a pretty nice trip. I was working the whole time, but getting to see the mountains every day/being in snow for even a few days was amazing. Below is a sort of fuzzy picture picture of the mountain, and a super awesome picture of 2 Utah dogs wearing hockey Jerseys:

Now I'm off to go watch more episodes of That's So Raven (all I've done for the past several days), and listen to my neighbour test out his electric guitar. (what an awesome idea to start playing at 11pm, man!)

p.s. i know it's probably sac-religious or some shit to put this on here, but look at my tumblrrrrr. isay4real.tumblr.com

my presence is a present. kiss my ass.

2011-01-06T22:03:00.000-08:00

Due to my apocalypse-fear, I'm not really seeing a lot of humour in this whole 'Animals Dying Around the World' deal going on right now. UNTILLLLL I found this article. It's a CBC article about 80 dead pigeons being found in Quebec.
I've highlighted in red the good parts. (In case my high-brow humour is too intellectual and you can't understand why it's funny. Duh.)
Ok, so not like 30 Rock funny or anything. But at the least, hilarious word coincidences.

Mami hello, make it wiggle like jello

2011-01-06T20:00:00.000-08:00

If I ever end up being crazy enough to squeeze a baby out, growing up to be as fucking cool as this kid is the only way my child won't disappoint me:

yellow diamonds in my ears call them lemonheads, lemonhead.

2010-12-17T10:25:00.000-08:00

The sun is shining
The grass is green
The orange and palm trees sway.
There's never seen such a day
In Beverly Hills L.A.
But it's December the 24th
And I am longing to be up North.

get' em girl

2010-12-16T15:53:00.001-08:00

Glitter Graphics

You with all them curves, and me without no brakes. OH.

2010-12-02T16:57:00.000-08:00

i luv natedog.

Bring daddy loot in a hurry.

2010-11-22T18:35:00.000-08:00

There's no video here, but I can't find the song anywhere else. This song makes me want to beat down on everyone. I've been listening to it at work all day and smashing the shit out of my keyboard while I type. OFFICE THUG 4 LYFE.

Also, I bought a poinsettia this week and it's so beautiful.
Oh, and Nicki Minaj is lezzying it up with Cassie. Best. Couple. Ever.

all she really want me to do is fuck the police.

2010-11-20T13:57:00.000-08:00

One more month!

put it on my dick and drop it to my shoes

2010-11-12T16:50:00.001-08:00

2 different episodes of "16 and pregnant", 2 different young pregnant bitches, 2 uber-gay best friends who ask questions like "do you think you're ready to have a baby, and stuff?".

I'm starting to think teen pregnancy has nothing to do with lack of sex education through school and parents like we thought, and is completely to do with flamboyant best friends. Thoughts?

when I was 12, I went to hell for snuffin' Jesus.

2010-11-10T17:48:00.000-08:00

So I was wikipedia-ing Boys II Men, and LOOK WHAT I CAME UPON. LOOK WHO SANG ON "LONELY HEART". YES YES YES YES.

money and blood don't mix like two dicks and no bitch

2010-11-07T00:10:00.000-07:00

Michelle and I went to a double feature of "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" and "7 Year Itch" tonight. This scene made me crack up like crazy - I think it's worth sharing based on it's high levels of hilariousness/sexyness:

The theater we went to was the best, over the span of the evening I got: popcorn w/ butter, water bottle, junior mints & a hot dog and I only paid $7. YES. Also, the hot dog was a steamy. YES. (no coleslaw or anything though. Ain't no Le Belle Provence shit, but decent.)

I have gone completely "things that smell like Christmas/home" crazy and today,bought more candles (this time the 3-wick ones, no fooling around anymore), perfume, and a soap that literally describes itself as smelling like Christmas. Lucky for me Bath and Body Works has a million coupons and super deals so I can support my new addiction. Today's visit was an especially eventful one. Within 2 minutes of being in the store and listening to the xmas songs they were playing I got all weepy, and then later on dropped and smashed a candle on the floor after telling the sales person I didn't need a bag and 'had it under control.' I absolutely did NOT have it under control. Emotionally or candle-holding wise. Ugh.

Now I'm going to fall asleep with my "fireside" candle burning and hope I don't burn shit down. Worth the risssskkkkk.

I pray that y'all aren't serious. Cus seriously, she's on my dick.

2010-11-04T23:32:00.000-07:00

The Beatles - Blackbird .mp3

Missing winter Sundays.

i'm like shawty you should go, but she like fuck that nigga.

2010-11-03T09:39:00.000-07:00

The Dream - I Love Your Girl .mp3

After posting this I realized that when you play the song it looks like Bill is dancing to it. Rules life.

First day home, I dived in it, left her thighs dented

2010-10-31T13:02:00.000-07:00

I stole these from a bunch of blogs so I'm not going to bother sourcing any of them. (Sorry other bloggers.)
I went to the Hollywood Farmer's market this morning and got so much good stuff. After my barf fest yesterday/my pants never fitting anymore I figured I should take a hint from my body and start eating a bit better. So I got a bunch of snackable fruits/vegetables/nuts, and a beautiful new flower for my desk. It was good there today, it was all hot dads with their kids who were wearing halloween costumes. All the hot dads were buying fresh vegetables, wearing big boots, and buying flowers for their wives. Where do I find one of these? (Minus the kids.)

I don't love Hot Chip, but this video/song is really good and reminds me of fun old times. WATCH IT, OK?

Got warrants in every city except Houston but I still ain't losin

2010-10-26T17:04:00.000-07:00

Chamillionaire featuring Krayz - Ridin' .mp3

Take those fucking clothes off and work it girl.

2010-10-24T22:49:00.000-07:00

What level of not ok is it that I find Pete Hornberger from 30 Rock pretty sexy? I really do have a thing for dudes with smush faces.

I'm in full fledged fall mood lately. I barely left the house today. All I did was take naps (after my 10 hour sleep) and cook. I also spent the night in last night watching Anastasia and baking banana/zucchini bread. Usually homebody mode hits me around this time of year, but I thought since LA was not snow-covered like I'm used to at this time, I would skip that whole thing. I was wrong. I think it also has something to do with the fall-smelling candle I got at Bed, Bath and Beyond. (Michelle brought me there for my first time the other day. I already want more candles.) I need someone around to eat all the baking I make now though. I've been alone with my 2 zucchini/banana loaves and have already polished off one. Not ok.

Side note, I had to call Netflix for customer service tonight and the guy on the phone got a little extra friendly/sexy sounding near the end. I can't tell if he was into it, or was mocking my Saturday night film choices of 'Anastasia' and 'Notting Hill'. (I totally understand they deserve mocking...)

Teach me how to dougie. All my bitches love me.

2010-10-20T18:34:00.000-07:00

Or for short just call me Norry.

2010-10-10T22:05:00.000-07:00

I pretty much stayed in both nights this weekend with netflix and a bottle of Kahlua. Living the LA dream, mang. It's nice being able to get up early and actually do something with your weekend though. I hit the beach today for a bit (picture above) and I tagged along with Michelle on Saturday morning to some estate sales again. Not as many scores this time, but I did get some pretty decent clothes. Including a beautiful silk shirt that I managed to destroy already by excessively sweating today. I also got a necklace with (apparently) a real Scrimshaw whaletooth. It was Canadian Thanksgiving today which really pushed the homesick buttons. Which was only further perpetuated by my Dad's million tweets about me not being home. Below are all the tweets my dad wrote today. (He just got highspeed Internet and apparently is all up in Twitter's face/has very strong and negative views on the US. I didn't think my Dad's awesome/hilarious level could get any higher - but here it is. He's also posted several about me being a smoker now. Great.)

In order:

"turkey day tomorrow and no M&N, sad!!!!!"

"turkey day and no M&N very sad dad."

"I want to be thankfull, so put the kids at the table and I will. #*#@$%^& not right"

"you want to cry because you drank to much crap american beer and smoked to many camels, don't eat their turkey you will be ruined for life!"

"once full of US turkey you will never want to come back, you'll become a fat american and want to go to war with everyone"

"once full of US turkey you will start to think you are better than everyone else and want to take their oil and food."

"you won't take the turkey's because they wouldn't be US turkeys and Martha would never eat foreign turkey!!!"

"they don't even have the turkey on the right day."

"and last of all, don't kiss any americans because they will have turkey breath and you will become posessed.!!!!!"

Sidenote: The 3rd to last tweet is referring to my love of Martha Stewart, and yes, Dad is very correct.

Johnny Cash - God's Gonna Cut You Down .mp3

i beat that cat with a dog. and beat the walls up a broad till she squals.

2010-10-07T20:32:00.001-07:00

What level of crazy is it if I let facebook security checks dictate my love life? Level 4? 5?

Also, it's a really good time wasting idea to look up top 100 radio hits of your highschool years and watch the videos that go with the songs. Especially if Missy Elliot was big that year. P.s. how the fuck did Ja Rule get so famous? / Why aren't Ying Yang twins more famous?

Twista - overnight celebrity .mp3

give me some huhhhh, step on the gas.

2010-10-04T22:29:00.000-07:00

RIPs

2010-10-04T17:10:00.000-07:00

Bob Dylan - Don't Think Twice, It's All Right .mp3

cus we gonna be together forever - right bitch? RIGHT BITCH?

2010-09-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

only big boys keep deuces on the ride.

2010-09-28T14:13:00.000-07:00

“A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you been drinkin jack and coke all morning. she can make you feel high, for the single greatest comodity known to man - promise. promise of a better day, promise of a greater hope, promise of a new tomorrow. this particular aura, can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl, in her smile, in her soul, and the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like its gonna be ok”
-Michael Rapaport "Beautiful Girls"

“Nichole Williams makes you feel sick, like you’ve been drinking syzyrup all morning. She makes you feel low, the single worst affliction to man—depression. Depressed about you sour days, depressed with no hope, depressed and not wanting to live to see tomorrow. This particular aura can be found all around NHole, in her vag, down to her soul and the way she makes every little thing about life seem like its rotten from the inside out.”
-Luke Michalowski

i'm talking his and her firearms.

2010-09-26T22:12:00.000-07:00

I don't think you're beautiful, I think you're beyond it.

2010-09-23T21:43:00.000-07:00

You're welcome.

Capone - N - Noreaga - Black Gangstas

motherfucking right, my pocket's looking kind of tight

2010-09-19T22:02:00.001-07:00

quiet dog bite hard, my god.

2010-09-19T21:08:00.000-07:00

Barbara is knockin' out the one-liners in this one.

Now these wolf-like thoughts are formulated.

2010-09-18T19:06:00.000-07:00

I went a little crazy today and bought a shit load of stuff. (Individually, things were cheap, cumulatively....I'm broke.)

This what I got:

- a bag of wood carvings (It's all kids pictures like kittens, and pirates. Amazing - picture below)

- a children's book called "Wild Horses" (amazing drawings - picture below)

- 10 prints from an old book about play characters from 1901 (picture below)

- a brown suede jacket

- 2 new pairs of shoes

- scarf shirt

- big jeans

- fancy face wash

- adult perfume

From the sounds of it you'd think:

The Kid is from Bucktown, your girl is in love now.

2010-09-18T01:58:00.000-07:00

Saturday night.

which bitch you know made a million off a mix tape?

2010-09-15T22:44:00.000-07:00

(michelleremembers)

"but you have a good crew."

No homo, finger nails dirty. I think I'm dirty money since 12:30 am.

2010-09-13T23:21:00.000-07:00

I miss waking up in cold fall weather, and going to Tim Hortons and getting bagels with cream cheese and a large double double and walking Buckley through the alley on the way home.

The Streets - Dry Your Eyes .mp3

It's the verbal Herman Munster.

2010-09-13T23:02:00.001-07:00

Right now even though I've been in my apartment for a few months now, I have almost nothing in it (pretty much just a mattress.) I'm used to the no furniture, never unpacking thing (most likely due to living out of a laundry basket and doing week for week between my parents house for 10 years) and I don't mind the not having any "material objects" holding me down (I sound like a nomad hippy). But sometimes, like tonight, when I needed to open a bottle of wine and had no corkscrew - this shit gets annoying. I've spent the last hour trying to open it with a screw, and using the "hit against a wall" method (which looks super easy on wiki-how video - but DOES NOT work in real life.). I now have a sort of open bottle of wine with a destroyed cork that I can't get any wine out of, and a dent in my wall.

I stole this from - here. I love it.

do right and kill everything.

2010-09-11T18:44:00.000-07:00

I'm back in LA now. My 10 day visit to Germany ended up being a month. It was totally worth it though. That's probably the only time I'm going to visit Europe in my young life (due to my poorness.) so I enjoyed it as much as I could. Being back is weird now - I always get used to where I am quickly (except LA for some reason) and dealing with changing and moving always throws me off. Also, the airport experience coming back into the US was a fucking ordeal. It involved 2 hours of getting lectured from passport security about my Visa, and then being called over the intercom to go get my bag as "Mr. Nichole Williams" for half an hour following. Thanks for the awesome welcome back US.

The Meters - Hand Clapping Song .mp3

you need to stop fucking with that white girl

2010-08-24T16:39:00.000-07:00

breaks.break.breaks.

this the realest since kumbaya, kumbyay killa kam my lord

2010-08-06T22:58:00.000-07:00

miners minors

Watching out for fake shit, rats on some snake shit. Give me rats for my statements, I’m that amazing

2010-08-03T22:17:00.000-07:00

I don't dare love her, I'm a dare devil, I don't fear nothing, Mother Fucker.

2010-08-03T00:36:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a good one. Even though I worked a bit I ended up getting to do a lot. On Saturday I bought art supplies (ink and watercolours), and have started to paint again for the first time in years. Sunday we went to Griffith Park which was beautiful (not Canada beautiful, but still beautiful) and laid in the dry grass and ate snacks. Considering it was supposed to be a relaxing day it was full of exciting events. We thought a violinist practicing in the woods was a mountain lion and we also had a possible ufo spotting - Michelle thinks it was fighter planes, I'm skeptical - there was hovering involved. Above is a picture of what I imagine will happen when the ufos come to earth. I'll most likely have a motorcycle, a full leather outfit, and 10 pounds less on me by that point (if i stop eating taco truck nachos.) I think it's realistic on all counts.

Other then the fun this weekend LA is the same. I'm going to try to start making the best of the time I have here instead of being miserable and lonely anymore. It seems to be more work trying to enjoy it then just being a grouchy cunt though.

Descendents - Hope .mp3

10 hood rap chicks surround me outside, found me outside, clown me outside.

2010-07-28T21:52:00.000-07:00

I'm not a player - I just fuck a lot

2010-07-22T09:10:00.001-07:00

NO INTERNET

stay home giving blow jobs

2010-06-21T23:41:00.000-07:00

Can we all talk about what a fucking masterpiece this song is?

And also how fucked up it is that I sang this when I was like 15?

This song is the reason for teen sluts of the early 2000s.

Future life?

No touchin' and rubbin' girl - you got a husband who loves you.

2010-06-09T22:11:00.000-07:00

I'm getting my acrylics back and living Pun 4lyfe.

I've been here over a month now and think I'm starting to go a little crazy. Michelle was convinced a while back that she had 'Culture Shock' and I'm starting to think maybe I caught that shit too.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock

dead in the middle of little italy

2010-06-02T22:59:00.000-07:00

I feel like this every day.

couple girlfriends, and they all a little crazy.

2010-06-01T20:57:00.000-07:00

Too far away all the time.

with the devil close behind.

2010-05-26T00:18:00.000-07:00

oh man that's a pretty pretty pretty pretty bitch.

2010-05-24T22:28:00.000-07:00

there ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal.

2010-05-15T00:05:00.000-07:00

This describes my first 2 weeks here pretty well:

I really don't mind LA as much as I thought I was going to. It's pretty good weather (my freckles have reappeared for the first time since I was little), people seem pretty nice, and there is an endless supply of real Mexican food (also a bbq in my backyard I've been using a lot.)

I have to start seriously looking for a place for June 1st which is pretty stressful but at the same time exciting. I'm looking forward to being able to settle down a bit and decorate a house. Michelle and I have collectively decided that the house will be covered in dog statues/pictures/posters of both famous and regular dogs. (I'll have a full wall dedicated just to Buckley most likely - I miss him.)

Tomorrow I'm going to cure a bit of homesickness by going to a deli and getting the US equivalent of a smoke meat sandwich - corned beef with swiss cheese. Shit.

you don't know me and you don't know my style.

2010-04-26T16:51:00.000-07:00

I had a nice/sad goodbye weekend in Toronto/Brockville this weekend. Most of the time was watching VHSs, eating candy, drinking Strongbow and doing crafts with Fud & Jesse which was actually perfect. One of the movies we watched was 'Tougher than Leather" a movie starring Run DMC and directed/written by Rick Rubin. Needless to say it was fucking hilarious and awesome. It made my want for a leather pork pie hat shoot to a new level.

Also, new summer look? (thanks for the lesson Lauren.)

tell em' a sad story.

2010-04-22T21:37:00.000-07:00

Going to Toronto tomorrow to see my sister before I leave. Sister movie food night fun. YES.

I be so LA got my Chucks and my Locs on.

2010-04-17T19:42:00.000-07:00

I have a feeling that my new life is just going to be a constant real life version of Miley Cirus's "Party in the USA" but less partying. Fuck.

Say it right now baby.

2010-04-15T18:46:00.000-07:00

	Drake - Over .mp3

Even though he has lyrics like "what am I doing, oh yeah, that's right - I'm doing me." I still have a huge amount of love for Drake. I can't fucking help it. Maybe it's because we made out once (kiss on the cheek. same shit.) or because he's Canadian, or because he's BFF with Lil' Wayne. Whatever it is, he's won me over in a big way.

I went to Quebec city yesterday/today for work. It was a pretty short and sweet visit. It's insane how being completely immersed in french for even 2 days makes me feel like I understand/can speak it a million times better. I even ordered my breakfast in french. (Deux ouefs avec les saucisses.) Call me Celene Dion. Thanks.

I'm drinking a delicious chocolate stout right now. It's helping me deal with my psychotic anxiety over making adult decisions. (The biggest ones of life.) Chocolate Beer + Drake = coooooooooooool.

Never let a bitch borrow my chain.

2010-04-11T19:55:00.000-07:00

This weekend blew.

I want to eat hot dogs and I want my acrylics back, but made of gold.

Breathin' off respirators for killin' my best 4.

2010-04-08T14:01:00.000-07:00

I only want to do this dance/watch people do this dance for the rest of my life. All other dances lose.

Also, I'm aware this is my third blog in less then 2 days. I'm in Brockville with nothing to do but sit on my new computer and look things up. At least there is plenty of new posts for the 2 people who read my blog to look at. BANG.

Shorty is a memory in my head.

2010-04-07T21:44:00.000-07:00

If a bitch don't like me, she must like women.

2010-04-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

I GOT MY OWN LAPTOP. HOLLERRRRRR.

Yeah I got a laptop today. Amazing. I actually own something worth some sort of dough now. (Prior to know was my 2 finger ring that I paid 80 bones for - that AN AIRPORT EMPLOYEE RECENTLY STOLE.) It's brown and beautiful. There is glitter embedded in the mouse area which I'm not really down with but it was about a bill cheaper then the one without glitter.

Now I can download horrible music/porn and never feel embarassed! YES.

I'm going on a radio download spree right now.

This song is worth listening to just for the part that starts at 2:10. Yes, it is Sean Paul.

My week of being home was so good. All my at home predicitions came true, plus about a thousand different butt-fuck no where flea markets & antique stores that I got some good scores from. Including a FUR BERET. I don't think it looks very good on me but I'm going to wear it until it does because I love it so much.

Now i'ma watch Rosanne. (Hyde from "That 70's show and Joseph Gordon Lovitt are both on this episode. I met both of them in Texas in the span of a week. Weird one.)

rows rows rows

2010-04-04T00:53:00.000-07:00

I've listened to this song a million times and this is not how i expected "Mystic" to look like. I had some x-men dream woman shit in my head.

I've eaten 2 steaks in the past 2 days (one with swiss cheese on it) and 10 million spring time coloured oreos. Being home is nice.

because he miscalculated the exit of the last pump.

2010-03-30T20:27:00.001-07:00

I downloaded this a long time ago and for some reason haven't listened to it until today. Dumb. It's so good.

I'm back in Montreal now. It's weird being gone for a long time then coming back. Nothing has actually changed but I feel really different about it here now. (Poetic. I know.) I got greeted by this guy:

Which was really nice. He looks embarrassed in this picture because he was just eating chip crumbs out of the creases of the couch. Like mother like son.

Today the neighbours were playing their french talk radio so loudly I thought there was a french man with a mega phone walking around the building. I was scared the separatists were coming to get me. I bounced and bought dog food (hung out with 2 wiener dog puppies.), bought some new deodorant, then had dinner with Brit. It ended up being a pretty productive day off considering I slept in until 1. Now I'm going to watch episodes of 30 rock and drink a beer. BANG.

ALSO, it's supposed to be 20 + degrees this weekend. BON FIRES BON FIRES BON FIRES.

I put this on my lord, my niece was 4 when she felt chinchilla.

2010-03-22T10:00:00.000-07:00

I keep switching back and fourth between the below Johnny Cash song and Clipse songs. It's a real mood-fucker upper. I go from being romantic & forlorn to aggressive & hard. I'm an emotional thug I guess.

Still in Vancouver, maybe sticking it out until the end of the week/beginning of next week now. I've been here for so long I'm starting to get anxious about going back home now. I think after a few days of Montreal I'll escape to Brockville for Easter and get in a full few days of chocolate eating/motorcycle rides/shooting at cans (IF DAD LETS ME)/hanging with my sister/bonfires. Dreammmmmmmmm. Those are all my favorite things. I have to go get a full physical there though which means I have to get a pap smear. ugh. I'll just put on my ipod and listen to "pussy" by clipse and laugh at the irony while the doctor does his thing. ew.

you will agree, i'm the best.

2010-03-18T00:10:00.001-07:00

Someone is barfing outside my window. Ugh. No escape.

This blog post Michelle posted made me love her even more then I already do/shit myself.

READ HERE

I'm still in Vancouver and it's beautiful and I love it. I haven't had time to see any friends here and am a bit homesick, but overall Vancouver is a pretty fucking good combination of nature/city.

I've had to listen to the radio these past 2 weeks more then any other time in my life because I'm in a car at least an hour ago and every radio song now is about partying and listening to other songs on the radio and getting drunk while listening to the radio songs and I don't really get it. This girl is all over the radio, it looks like she's on a permanent walk of shame.

Get over there and bust that pussy open.

2010-03-10T02:06:00.000-08:00

Life wants:

Pretty easy I think.

I should be sleeping right now. We have to have a giant meeting at our work apartment tomorrow night and I feel like I'm preparing for a birthday party and don't want it to be boring and be the lame kid with the boring party. Oh man. 12 year old stress is plaguing me.

you and me babe, how about it?

2010-03-07T02:27:00.000-08:00

I took a ghost tooth, old shoe, lay them in the ground ground ground ground ground ground

2010-02-28T21:45:00.000-08:00

this one is harder then i thought

2010-02-27T21:54:00.000-08:00

I just ate butter and brown sugar on saltines. I'm going to start a blog that's strictly about all the disgusting things I eat. I'm in the middle of moving right now and it sucks and all I want to do is eat sugar butter combined things on cracker things. So good.

Also - I know no one cares but me it seems - but Canada has 13 gold medals now.

I made banana muffins tonight

2010-02-20T22:42:00.000-08:00

I'm blind to you - fuckin' haters.

2010-02-19T15:32:00.001-08:00

I don't ask for much these days.

2010-02-16T20:03:00.000-08:00

Or give me a kiss and i'll give you the flu

2010-02-10T21:26:00.000-08:00

why am i soft in the middle the rest of my life is so hard

2010-02-10T10:00:00.000-08:00

get out of my dreams.

The time has come for colds and overcoats.

2010-02-09T18:29:00.000-08:00

Michelle: heyi just caught clinton eating the butter

me: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Michelle: he was spooning it in his paw

me: He's so fat.

Michelle: and licking his paw off

What all the other boys all promised.

2010-02-09T18:03:00.000-08:00

Yup, I totally quoted old Brand New there. I used to do that via ICQ info a lot in highschool, but it seems like it might be time for a revival. (Side note: it's from "Okay I beleive you but my tommy gun don't" off the Deja Entendu album. Just in case someone is curious.)

LAUREN

2010-02-07T00:22:00.000-08:00

LAUREN

LAURENLAURENLAURENLAURENLAURENLAURENLAURENLAURENLAURENLAURENLAURENLAURENLAURENLAURENLAURENLAUREN

SHES MY FRIEND I LOVE HER

Must be a devil between us.

2010-02-04T22:25:00.000-08:00

I need to go to bed.

roots

2010-02-02T17:30:00.001-08:00

I hate Two and a Half Men...

2010-02-01T16:01:00.000-08:00

That's pretty much it.

AND only 11 more days until this:

I call this the "wheel of fortune."

2010-01-26T20:51:00.001-08:00

Here is a list of words I'm trying to spell, and spell often - next to a list of words my T9 thinks I should be spelling:

snowing - ponying

fucking - ducking

fud (my sister) - fudging

suck - pucker

good - home (and when I want home it spells good. seriously.)

tired - three

awake - cycle

I think i'm just going to start replacing all the proper words with T9 words for hilarious surprise sentences.

Today I got my birthday package in the mail from my sister and it had a lot of really great things. A homemade CD, a card set with dogs on them, a little video camera, and a charm of a woman and some pins from Jesse. I took a video of Buckley and he sniffed the camera. Funny dog. Camera isn't food.

I can't find a picture of the set of cards on the internet, but I did find this picture of these super cool dogs smoking and playing poker. You're welcome.

Lovely, never ever change.

2010-01-23T13:43:00.000-08:00

IT'S BEEN 7 DAYS, THE SAME CLOTHES

2010-01-09T20:53:00.000-08:00

I wonder where my love could be.

2010-01-02T10:39:00.000-08:00

2 blogs in 2 days. A lot to handle.

I've listened to this song about 5 times in a row though because it cracks me up so much.

Drake w/ Elephant Man - Worst I've Ever Had

Here's a little preview at the lyrics:

Mi cocky nearly drown
When mi put it in it
She nah mek no noise
All when me a ram it

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I just went on a horrible music downloading spree and got nothing but top 40's and top 40 remixes.

I've spent an hour downloading music and only have about 10 songs to show for it. I got stuck looking for this fucking Mississippi mix tape of blues/soul from the 20's-40's THAT I CAN'T FIND ANYWHERE.

UPDATE: Just found the song I wanted most of the mix tape. That's enough to tide me over for now.

Am I a virgin? No, I use my Kahunas.

2010-01-01T21:36:00.000-08:00

Old news.....but LOL. (To the video below, not the title. SONG LYRIC GUYS.)

Can someone please make a full length of this song so I can put it on my Ipod and listen to it on repeat without having to press 'back' every minute.

Also, this video just came out. I'm not level 10 on it, but this song makes me want to dance and lose it.

Somehow again tonight I got drunk off wine alone (New years was

buckley + me + wine + skype + bed by 2).

Today was my first day off without travelling/working in over a month.

It was good. I woke up at 1 and then had a nap

from 3-4. Excellent. More of that to come tomorrow hopefully.

side note: the station i'm watching just had an ad saying that the

Matrix was going to be playing this week and they

spelt the Matrix "The Matirix". Someone is getting fired for that.

Ok, i'm going to go watch Futurama and drink more wine. YEAH.

So why Vick why? Yeah, mighty thirsty alright.

2009-12-11T19:29:00.000-08:00

When I just looked up Los Angeles on google, it was all pictures of the city and then one of Lindsay Lohan. HAH.

I'm going to LA tomorrow and am freaking out/excited though. Apparently Michelle and I are staying in Boyle Heights which is a 95% latino neighbourhood (looked it up on wikipedia). Which only adds to the possible awesomeness of this trip. I'm totally going to get my nails done in this area and give whoever does it free range to make me look as bad ass bitch as possible.

When I google imaged Boyle Heights thats what comes up. Those people are a million times cooler then Lindsay Lohan. Shit.

As excited as I am about the trip I'm also kind of concerned about my level of Christmas spirit. I haven't had time to shop yet, or get a tree, or decorate, or bake, or watch movies which usually I do for all of November and December. I'm going to have to pack in a lot of Christmas spirit in the few day build up I have when I get back to Montreal.

Ok going to pack, leaving for the airport in 5 hours.

Aiiii.

SATURDAY NIGHT

2009-11-21T19:19:00.000-08:00

otoronto opossum

2009-11-11T19:38:00.000-08:00

So I follow Martha Stewart on Twitter (obviously) and tonight this was her update...

In case you're not sure it reads "Just got home, let out the dogs, within minutes they cornered, attacked and killed an opossum. had to wash little bloody mouths. life on farm."

um...martha doesn't seem to be even a little upset that her high-pedigree, pure breed dogs just RIPPED A POSSUM APART. Poor possum.

In happier, non-possum death related news...I'M GOING TO TORONTO TOMORROW! I'll be there for a week and am so happy to visit Fud & Jesse in their new house, see the Katz (and other friends!), and generally get the fuck out of Montreal for a little bit.

YEAHHHHHH

Bah bah mmmm mow mow bah bah mmmm mow ma mow

2009-10-25T12:01:00.000-07:00

The past couple weeks have been a pretty weird couple weeks. There's no specific, exciting event that made it this way - I'm just all over the place in a big way lately. My emotions/decisions/thoughts have been a fucking mess lately. Blah. I want to play this song and dance around my house all day and not think. Good plan.

Jookabox - You Cried Me

I've been working a million hours the past couple weeks which blows but hopefully means big scrill. Which will come in handy when I VISIT TORONTO IN A FEW WEEKS. I'm so excited. Last time Toronto visit was so fun and I expect this one to be even better. I need a life & work break. Hopefully there will also be a night of Hamilton fun with the Katzs stuck in that visit too. YES.

Ok. So maybe this is me being crazy. BUT a couple months ago when I was working at Milk N' Honey this uber hot hasidic jewish guy came in (shocking!) who completely looked like Shia LaBoeuf but in full hasid get up. I thought it was pretty cool because this guy was identical but why the FUCK would Shia LaBeouf be in a kosher restuarant in Montreal in full hasid dress. So anyways, my friend working with me started talking to them - they said this guy was their 'cousin' from New York and that he wanted my number. Cute - but dropped it at that. SO I heard there was a new movie coming out where Shia plays a hasidic jew. I was pretty shocked and thought maybe that could have totally been him. Then I just saw an ad for it looks JUST LIKE HIM. I need more info on this asap...and also to backtrack and give him my mother fucking phone number. fuck.

Shower time...more work...dieeeeeeeeee

And the devil made her features

2009-10-13T20:47:00.001-07:00

I haven't blogged in a really long time. Sorry to the 2 people who read my blog.

Nothing extraordinary has happened in the month (more?) I haven't blogged in. Still working, still doing Friday nights at Green Room, still kissing buckley. Other then that NOT MUCH. It's been getting colder and colder faster and faster which i'm pretty ok with. Summer didn't do it for me too much and I'm excited for Christmas to come. I have to figure out the school thing in the next week though so I can go back in January which I'm already stressing out about. I have no idea what I'm going to take/whether I'm doing part time or not/how much I can work, etc.

Here's some big news. Steven Segal has secretly been a deputy sheriff in his county for the past 20 years and A&E is making a TV show about it. YES YES YES.

I'll come up with more interesting blog/news soon. Until then here is a song I've listened to a billion times in the past 2 days:

somewhere smokin' rock now, in and out of lock down, i ain't got a job now.

2009-08-24T21:59:00.000-07:00

I had the main for dinner tonight then my first ice cream cone of the summer for desert.

How many Twix does that make for you today...8?

2009-08-21T21:20:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm turning into Elaine Benes as I get older. More akward, more pessimistic and more ridiculous with dancing.

For some reason Green Room is closed down for the weekend so I'm in tonight Trot the Foxless. Ilya & I were both kind of sick feeling though so even though it blows it may be for the best. Instead of playing good music I downloaded so much good stuff tonight. I downloaded the majority of the Now and Then soundtrack along with some teenage heartbreak songs. I plan on playing them next week, pumping my fist and possibly getting a slow dance (most likely from Ilya).

We took Buck to the vet today and it was a pretty dramatic experience. We had to wait for about an hour before the doctor could see us because there was an emergency with another woman's dog. Watching how upset she was broke my heart and made me so scared for any future Buckley hurt situation. Fortunately, for Buckley and I, his situation wasn't too serious. He had to get his tail shaved and a cone though which is pretty sad/hilarious looking.

I also laid on the couch all day and watched the movie "Sabrina" (the 90's version, not the original) starring Harrison Ford & Julia Ormond. It was as good as I remember it and made me want desperately to go to Paris. Directly after finishing the movie my neighbour started playing "La Vie En Rose" on his accordion and I drifted off into a Paris induced nap. Beautiful.

Someone to close his eyes for you.

2009-08-20T20:39:00.000-07:00

So watching Now and Then made me not want to suck and ride my bike. Maybe if I could put a little radio on the front and eat push popsicles it would be even more appealing. It would also help me not be in a situation ever again like last night. By a situation like last night I mean drinking TOOOOO much then having to take a 45 minute cab ride home from Verdun to NDG to Plateau. I get car sick in normal life, but in 'omg i drank so much whisky/rum i might die' world my car sickness becomes much more intense. Needless to say there was total rhubarb pie barfing when I got home. (Thanks Michelle for the pie. On the way in it was quite nice.)

Anyway, I had a nice recovery day today and have tomorrow and Saturday off! Woo. I also have a fun visitor staying with me this weekend. Her name is Mayble and she is a wild woman from China.

HERE IS

She's a cool girl.

For some reason I just got a crazy craving for grape soda. I never even like grape soda. I'm totally pregnant. JK. ewwwww

I need to get my act together this week and start figuring out important life things. I'm going to look into stuff for school, start paying back loans, not eating shit all the time and overall clean up. I also have decided I need to clean up my mouth a little. My general crudeness is hitting a peak lately and i'm afraid I've started to turn into a trucker. Before you know it I'll be buying caffine pills and paying $10 for a BJ from a lot lizard in a Flying J's parking lot. HI OHHHHHH. (Example number one million of said crudeness)

I think this week I'm also going to get a membership to a movie store and rent a whole bunch of really great 90's rom-coms this week. When I was in Brockville last I watched "While You Were Sleeping" and it gave me rom-com fever.

Speaking of romance and by romance I mean me being in love. Bear Grylls was on Oprah tonight and I MISSED ITTT!!!! Fud told me they showed a shot of him naked (penis was fuzzed out, but still.) Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Here is my favorite love song in favorite version performed by Tony Bennett:

Here it is performed in one of the best 90's rom-coms "My Best Friends Wedding"

I know it's a super lame love/wedding song. But I don't care.

2009-08-18T19:07:00.001-07:00

I need to get a grip on my emotions lately.

I want to lay on someone's rooftop/balcony and listen only to mid-90's rock music.

I just wanted to post the video for John Mellencamp's Wild Nights - but it's fucking enabled so watch it HERE instead.

I tried being exciting but since it wouldn't work, now I'm posting the most depressing song of life.

In happier news, I'm super excited to watch this this week.

The below scene is the scene

that gave young ugly Nichole hope

that one day a super babe Devon Sawa type would love her.

I clam....and scallop.

2009-08-17T20:45:00.000-07:00

I just ate a 3 day old tuna/bacon sandwich and a large bowl of heavenly hash ice cream for dinner. How is my body still functioning?

I know everyone who reads this/experienced the shitty summer we've had is going to hate me. But this intense heat is making me WANT CHRISTMAS. I guess everything makes me want more christmas (for some reason when typing this I first typed "more pizza"...I have a problem), but the heat is fucking KILLING me. Last night I slept on the floor in front of my door on Buckley's drool/butt puss * covered bed just to stay somewhat cool. Ew.

*Buckley has a recent bum problem where his poor little tail is puffy and pussy and sad. I touched it tonight and he started shaking and climbed into my lap and my heart broke.

I had a fun japan visitor this weekend (SARAH) and I was so happy to see her. She brought me some super hot lace gloves and THESE FAKE NAILS I LOVEEEE.

These are the nails I recently got done. Bad picture. They are little yellow birds sitting on trees.

I'm going to go eat a blue tube freezie that was on sale at Segals. Yum yum yum yum yum.

p.s. sorry to anyone who notices I 1) look like i'm rapping in the above picture and 2) i'm wearing only a bra. WOOOOOOOOOOOO (not hot, I have chin sweat...)

Grand piano demo

2009-08-11T21:43:00.000-07:00

Usually I don't love the Tim and Eric show, but I just found out that Eric from said show also directs music videos. I discovered this when I saw the new Major Lazer video (put on our Bootyshots website HERE), then when I got looking I found out he also has done videos for some other awesome artists like Ben Folds and Flying Lotus.

LOOK!

Ben Folds - You Don't Know Me from Eric Wareheim on Vimeo.

MGMT - The Youth from Eric Wareheim on Vimeo.

Flying Lotus "Parisian Goldfish" from Eric Wareheim on Vimeo.

why the fuck is ashton kutcher famous?

2009-08-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

I really wish that I was Kelly Kapowski so I could wear outfits like this all day long.

I feel like if I wear this now I would 1: scare small children and 2: invite ass rape from gangster-like men. fuck. I've been walking around my house in rolled down jean shorts and a bra all day and I think it's the most bangin' outfit I own. Oh well.

The past week has been super fun/busy. I went to Brockville for 4 1/2 days. We had a bonfire, beach day, motorcycle ride, Goodwill shopping trip, lunch with Nanny, pool day, canoe ride, bar night - pool included, and a lot of gin rummy. I got 3 more days of Fud after that too which was great, but has left me feeling home/sister sick.

On the news they just said there was a shooting in a pilates class in philly. oh man.

In happier news Bill Clinton worked his charming magic on Kim Jung Il and is bringing the 2 American journalists back to the US.

Looks like his sexiness translates well in North Korea as well. mmmm

Also, I've decided that if I can't make it as an extremely successful, rich business woman (type of business is yet to be determined), I'm going to be a cooking show host. Every time I cook something I find myself acting like a pyscho and talking out what I'm doing to myself anyways, plus I'm sure they make some money.

I NEED MONEY SO I CAN BUY WICKED CLOTHES AND HOT POOL BOYS TO FUCK.

ahhh

Want to be cool? MOTORCYCLE

2009-07-22T21:33:00.000-07:00

I want to get on a motorcycle with a babe man in a wicked leather jacket and ride around the country, sleep in fields, eat at diners, swim in lakes, and loveeeee.

I just found out that on August 14th, before one of our Trot the Fox Friday there will be a performance at Green Room by Bat for Lashes. YEAH. I feel pretty happy about that. I'm not into a lot of female singers now a days but I do like her music/think she is pretty rad.

I'm also super excited about the next 2 weeks and the goings ons in them. I have tomorrow off and about a million errands to do but Friday we have Trot the Fox, Saturday I have off and have fun plans, Sunday I get to go to Brockville and hang out with family (Fud included) then back for Ryan and Sabina's art show then another fun Trot the Fox. YEAH YEAH YEAH. Brockville is going to be the best and necessary to my sanity. Dad has planned a turkey dinner the night we get home followed by a campfire and there is nothing more in the world I want to do then those 2 things.

p.s. is it wrong that I totally have a crush on Leland from DOG the bounty hunter? I already know the answer is yes but I can't help it.

KICK THAT DOOR DOWN LELAND.

huh, i'm a big girl now.

2009-07-16T18:29:00.000-07:00

I just ate a container of Rocky Road ice cream for dinner.

I need to get a grip.

2009-07-14T14:37:00.001-07:00

I'm usually not into babies very much, but this baby is dancing to a new Major Lazer song that i'm obsessed with called "Mary Jane" and is obviously about weed. THAT BABY LOVES GETTING DOWN TO WEED SONGS. Funny baby.

real version HERE

I'm DJing at Blue Dog for the first time tonight with Ilya and totes plan on playing that song and dancing like that fucking baby.

Montreal weather has been mental and it's starting to piss me off. It was SO nice out yesterday morning, giving me hope that I could run all of my errands in the warm sun, but then....RAIN. Tons of rain on and off all day. Now it's grey and freezing out today. ITS FUCKING JULY. Whoever is in charge of the weather needs to get a grip.

Yesterday/last night I had a fun board game night planned and made super fancy snack plates which consisted of deviled eggs, stuffed mushrooms and radish flowers, night time came, I had heard from no one. AND THATS ITS. No one came, and I sat with my radish flowers and vowed never to try and have a game party again ever.

Actually 2 people did end up coming over (big up to michelle and christine) and we had fun, so it wasn't all total loss. Now I have to eat deviled eggs for every meal though. I also discovered that Buckley is the best guest/myself entertainment in the world. Funny Dog.

On Seinfeld they were talking about Twix bars and now it's all I can think about. Shit man.

In AWESOME news I have a super fun week to look forward too coming up because I get to go to Brockville for 4 full days, then Fud is coming back with me to Montreal, then Ryan and Sabina's art show, and then my sister is going to come to Green Room for our Friday. YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

Our father who loves us and named us well.

2009-07-07T19:06:00.000-07:00

I need a gf...i'm lonely. Someone to love me and fuck me.

2009-07-02T22:12:00.000-07:00

Instant cure for any bad mood:

Get nails with naked ladies on them.

Listen to this song. (p.s. the singer looks like he's 12, which in my opinion, makes it SO much better.)

Eat A LOT of meat. So much. (BBQed only) Between eating this meat, play with the million super cute dogs who are sniffing at your picnic table looking for some of your aforementioned meat. Since we got back from the BBQ Buckley hasn't moved once. So cute. So tired.

Work tomorrow. Blah. Trot the Fox tomorrow night. Yeah!